Play by Play Day by Day with Amy Lawrence

I can hardly believe it’s been over a year since I heard your voice. Oh, what I would give for another conversation on the phone or one more chance to make you laugh. Because you didn’t have any use for caller ID, you never knew it was me calling until after you heard my greeting. Then you would exclaim, “Amy!!” and laugh like we shared the perfect joke. That exchange always gave me a jolt of joy.

You loved writing letters and kind notes, especially Christmas cards.🎄 I’m saving everything you sent to me and even rifling through old boxes from when I was a kid to make sure I don’t throw anything away. Since we enjoyed our mail, I choose to write to you now, one year after we said good-bye. I miss talking about family and flowers and food and our plans for the next time we would be together. We never ran out of things to say, so how do I decide what to share with you…12 long months later?

It feels strange to NOT be looking forward to our annual summer visit. By now, we’re usually counting down the days. I wish we could sit and tell stories, plan a cookout with Uncle Tom, gab about your neighbors and the community garden outside your bay window or peruse the dining hall menu. I wish I could hear you get mad at me for taking too many selfies of us, and I wish we could giggle at my attempt to paint your nails fire-engine red without making a mess. When I got a manicure recently, I just wanted to tell the guy about how much you loved bright nails! My August won’t be complete without a few days in your living room, talking about absolutely everything and nothing at all.

You always loved my adventures, especially when I traveled to new places and could show you the photos. The Grand Canyon was GLORIOUS, Grammy!! It left me speechless over and over. As the sun traveled across the sky, the changing colors in the Canyon were mesmerizing. As proud as I am for conquering such an epic hike, it was more significant to spend time with Uncle Kenny and Jayne and Auntie Karen. Just over a year after we celebrated your 100th birthday, we were together which meant the world to me. But oh how we miss you.❤

My favorite picture of you at 19 is on my TV stand. I still can’t believe I never saw this black-and-white portrait until a few months before you died. You kept it from me, ha. When we passed it around at your big celebration, you recalled what color dress you were wearing 81 years before! Lots of people tell me we look alike when they see the photo. I was so grateful when Uncle Tom let me bring it home. He also let me pick through all your jewelry, Gram. Several times a week, I wear your silver ring etched with leaves and your shiny silver hoops to match. I retrieved the turquoise pendant I gave you ten years ago. You kept telling me how much you LOVED it until I finally offered it to you. I know you did it on purpose!😁 And I have no idea when I’ll wear them, but I couldn’t let Tom get rid of your bright yellow and pink chunky pearls with matching earrings. Maybe for a costume party?!

I rescued the delicate sapphire necklace Mattie’s family gave you for your 100th birthday. You were wearing it the last time I saw you, along with the earrings. I went through your piles of jewelry three times before I found the necklace, and I yelled out loud. I couldn’t find the earrings, so you must have tucked them into one of your little boxes where only you would remember. Mattie told me to keep the necklace. I wear it on special occasions; it makes me smile and cry at the same time.

Guess what else I brought home? The comforter with the pink and green flowers. It was on my bed all winter, and I will pull it out of the closet when the weather turns again. From the time Mom and I gave it to you as a Christmas present more than a decade ago, you never took it off your bed. I’m so glad to have it back because I know it was special to you.

You probably won’t believe this, but I didn’t touch a jigsaw puzzle the entire year. I started one before we lost you; but instead of finishing it, I left it under placemats on my kitchen table. As we marked one year, I suddenly felt inspired to uncover it. For several hours, as I put pieces in place, I missed you terribly and wished we could talk about our latest puzzle projects. I also felt peace, though. Getting back to your favorite hobby brought you close again.🎁 (I don’t miss our games of Upwords nearly as much!)

In the days after you died, I didn’t know what to do with myself, Grammy. I took a few nights off from work and decided I would go sit on the beach. Mostly, I was numb as I spent hours staring out at the water. My heart was broken, and yet I knew I wasn’t alone. A few weeks later, I went back to the same spot with my friend Jasimine. She convinced me to go swimming and play in the waves with her. I hadn’t done that in years! And I laughed. For the first time since you went to heaven, I laughed and felt true joy in my heart. There was healing at the beach and healing in that laughter.

On July 8th this year, I visited my friend Lynn on Long Island. We spent several hours kayaking, and I told her about you. Being on the water gave me peace, despite the date. Later in the evening, we drove to the shore in her town to check out the sunset. I actually thought it would be too cloudy, but I was wrong. The orange, pink, purple and blue in the sky made for captivating photos. We spent an hour standing in the surf, getting splashed by the waves. Only as we walked back to the car did it dawn on me: it was the perfect way to wrap up the day with all of its memories and emotions.

There is so much more I could say, a zillion more things to share with you. I taught my first class at Syracuse University in April right after our birthdays. Grammy, the students called me “Professor Lawrence”!! My spring flowers were beautiful, especially the daffodils and peonies, but for some reason, my hydrangea bushes aren’t blooming this summer. The family is doing well. Mattie and the girls took another trip to Hawaii. Penny and Sugar are still running my life. They miss our video calls. And after waiting for what felt like forever, I finally have a special man in my life. He’s the one, Grammy. I would give anything for you to meet him. You would be thick as thieves! He would adore your stories and your sense of humor. I’m so sorry he won’t know you like I do, but I’m keeping my promise. I’m telling him all about you.💔

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and wish I could hear your voice again. Our memories make me smile. I know you would want me to be happy and keep chasing adventure, so I will. You always encouraged me to be bold and brave and forge ahead.

I’ll end this letter the way we ended every phone call: I miss you. I love you. Bye, Grammy.

This entry was posted on July 27, 2023 at 9:01 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.